Harith’s comment on social media about the recent “ham and cheese” controversy has led to an uproar. —LOW LAY PHON/The Star

IT’S no laughing matter when police reports are lodged against a stand-up comedian like Harith Iskander or when a cartoonist like Fahmi Reza ends up in lock-up while under remand.

It gets even less funny when Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Nancy Shukri issues a warning about making jokes that “cross the line”.

Thankfully, she clarified later that the law that punishes obscene jokes is not aimed at comedy as a form of entertainment, but cited those who used words or gestures that insult a person’s modesty.

It’s good that Nancy clarified what she said as earlier reports had many comics worried. Even ordinary Malaysians were worried – some asked on social media if we had lost the plot and were no longer tolerant of humour.

We should ask ourselves if the bar of tolerance has dropped further. Malaysians should not be allowed to be subjected to people who can’t wait to pounce on stand-up comedians over the slightest utterance.

But more importantly, the thinking majority should not just keep silent and cower down.

By right, the ones who should be losing sleep are the serial jokers in Parliament who are known for their distasteful sexist remarks.

Ask Seputeh Member of Parliament Teresa Kok. She can probably compile a dossier of things said by these recalcitrant lawmakers.

Of course, comedians often have their targets, especially public figures and politicians, wriggling in embarrassment. But these are people who enjoy hogging the limelight; they cannot choose to bask only under a positive light.

It’s a price they have to pay for being celebrities.

Our police shouldn’t be too worried about these people, however powerful they may be.

Unfortunately, when someone makes a report, the police are required by law to investigate, but they really have better or more urgent things to do.

In a democracy, it is absurd – and ironical – to target humour which is simply a tool to question power, provoke thought, and provide relief when people are caught in what they believe are hopeless situations.

There is a caveat, though. Every stand-up comedian knows he cannot touch on the 3Rs – race, religion, and royalty.

No one can, not politicians, not journalists, and certainly not comedians.

When it comes to religion, it is best to stay away as it is sensitive. Not everyone shares the same sense of humour.

A remark by Harith on social media about the recent “ham and cheese” controversy has led to an uproar.

Stand up comics have always been skilful at tiptoeing around political issues, which in Malaysia happens to be mostly involving race and religion.

They have learnt to throw out the punchline while knowing where the fine line is drawn and the risks that come with crossing it. Most navigate it well and wisely chose to perform in the Klang Valley, where the audiences are more open-minded and appreciative.

I think we all know our comedians and satirists are not about to destabilise the country or any state or overthrow a leader. The only ones that politicians should worry about are their opponents – not comedians or cartoonists.

There is no law that prohibits one from embarrassing a person. If indeed a law is crossed, than the offended party can raise a defamation suit under civil laws. There is no crime involved.

Comedy and satire, however, does not mean slandering and defaming people. If you call a person a liar, a corrupt person or a thief without being able to prove it, then you have to face the consequences. That is not freedom of speech.

But Malaysia does not have an “Anti-Laughter Act”.

Thank God, though, that we have not come to a stage where powerful people can no longer tolerate comedians. Most lawmakers sportingly accept parodies and do not rush to make police reports.

In fact, making police reports for frivolous reasons should be made an offence. It’s an abuse of a privilege. There are people in this country who suffer from the inane addiction of making police reports. Most are probably lackeys following orders.

The police shouldn’t be burdened with having to decide whether jokes are funny, dangerous, explosive, or seditious. That’s not what they are trained for.

Neither is it the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry’s job to scan for nasty jokes.

The police or the ministry can’t be posting enforcement officers at every stand-up performance.

If there is a lesson to be learnt it is that restricting comedy often backfires and the very act of repression becomes an even bigger joke.

The real jokers are a few socially challenged politicians who have to rely on using race and religious issues, along with comical masculine posturing on social media to feed followers.

The problem really lies with these sneaky ones, or should I say Snakey ones?

We can expect plenty of these jokes during the Chinese New Year reunion dinners. So just chill.

Poor reputation: Hopefully, in this Year of the Snake, the amazing reptilians will avoid the bad press, at least for a year, says the writer. —123rf

WE will be ushering in the Year of the Snake soon. Unlike many other years in the Chinese zodiac, the reptile, for some reason, has a poor reputation.

It is often portrayed as dangerous and poisonous, even when some species do not even bite. The poor snakes even get blame for the traitorous acts of human beings even when it’s no fault of theirs.

Back stabbers and betrayers, for example, are dismissed as “snakes”. No one credits the ophidians for getting rid of pests and playing a crucial role in balancing the ecosystem.

Hopefully, in this Year of the Snake, they will avoid the bad press, at least for a year.

The political villains, however, are not likely to go anywhere. I can already smell the glee and excitement of the opportunistic, slithering kind.

With the likelihood of a state election in Sabah soon and talk of an early general election in 2026, although it needs to be held only the following year, we can expect venomous speeches this year.

Malaysians are used to those slimy kinds who eat, sleep, and spew race and religion.

But over the past few months, they have stooped to an all-time disgraceful low.

Despite all the warnings against the use of the 3Rs – race, religion and royalty – we haven’t really seen real, effective action taken against these serial offenders.

The only ones who get hauled up are the minnows who post silly missives on social media.

Really, most of us are sick of politicians with their masculine “jantan” posturing as they are nothing but intimidating bullies.

When it comes to real issues like fighting corruption, they are like mice, their manly assets suddenly lost.

It is only when they need publicity do they crawl out of their pits. We should remember them for what they are during the elections, even if they try to shed their old snake skin during campaigning.

We have to send a strong message that such old tactics of race and religion have no place in Malaysia.

After over 60 years of independence they are still cooking up fictitious and imaginary threats from fellow Malaysians to stoke insecurity.

Political snakes may bite now but soon, they will realise that they need the votes of every race, as the contest will be tight. The reality is no politician can win in Malaysia by banking on one community.

If they cannot be the champion of all Malaysians, then they don’t deserve the votes.

They can coil around us with their hypocritical and manipulative offensives but we should remind them of what they had said before.

We will need plenty of sulphur and other repellents during the campaign period.

They will put on their shiny armour, I mean, shiny reptilian scales, but be mindful. As the saying goes, be wary of snake-oil peddlers.

In the old Western movies, the native people would often say: “Beware of white men with forked tongue,” – yet another reference to snakes.

But let’s not be overly harsh on all politicians. It would be thoroughly unfair to generalise.

After all, according to Chinese astrology, those born in the Year of the Snake are charismatic, charming, wise, and with strong intuition.

They are said to think things through thoroughly and are good at understanding people. Certainly, these are the good traits of those born under this Chinese zodiac sign.

I believe many of our politicians have these qualities. There are many good ones who have sacrificed much for the country and people.

Unfortunately, it is the second- rated loud ones who grab the headlines with their gibberish.

In 2025, the voters of Sabah will have their first shot at these forked-tongued beasts.

Some Sabah politicians may suffer from trust issues but most are unlike the nasty hissing kind you find in the peninsula.

Race and religion do not sell in Sabah and Sarawak. Those who try will get hammered. They will instantly be chucked into the South China Sea!

Some have tried for decades to get elected in Sabah but the venomous green image fails to impress the level-headed Sabahans.

Let’s not even talk about Sarawak. They can’t even get past the immigration.

There’s a little over a week to the Chinese New Year, and it looks set to be different this time. Unlike the scorching hot weather in past years, it could be wet and cool this time.

But expect heavy traffic in most towns, as vehicles will be snaking through the highways and towns.

Well, we will all just have to wriggle along, too.

Colourful Malaysia: The Visit Malaysia Year 2026 campaign was launched in Sepang on Monday, but there is there is plenty of work to be done before we roll out the carpet for visitors next year. — Bernama

THE Visit Malaysia Year 2026 campaign has been launched and there is plenty of work to be done before we roll out the carpet for visitors next year.

Every Malaysian must be involved to make tourists feel welcome. The frontliners, especially the Immigration officers, for one, need to learn to flash their smiles.

For some reason, Immigration officers, everywhere around the world, just look stern and unwelcoming. Every day is a bad day for them and a frown seems to just be part of their starched uniform.

I am not sure if they still wear the “Put On A Smile” button. Probably not. It would be an ironic flop.

The truth is: They should actually be our tourism ambassadors, and it helps to just say, “Welcome to Malaysia” to as many visitors as they can.

The long queues at the KL International Airport will end, or at least, be shorter soon with more autogates being installed. That could be the answer to the frustrations of the frowning officers.

Then, there are the Customs officers. It would be nice and professional if they are seen to be attentively working standing up while on duty.

Most times, they are just seated. I, for one, am not complaining as it means they are ignoring me instead of subjecting me to a full check. And I can get out of the airport and go home quickly.

Still, they need to be seen to be working when on duty.

The arrival area at KLIA is a chaotic mess, really. Unlike at our airport, most countries do not have arrival pick up areas for private vehicles. These vehicles must be left at those multistorey car parks.

You can drop off passengers at designated spots, yes, but never pick them up upon arrival.

Our airlines – Malaysia Airlines, Firefly and AirAsia – really need to be super conscientious with their departure and arrival times. Constant delays will be bad for Visit Malaysia Year.

Then there’s the luggage carousel. The slow arrival of luggage at KLIA is a long-standing embarrassment, literally. Passengers just have to stand around for a long time and wait.

I know we are notorious for “Malaysian Timing” but that “on the way” excuse should not show up at our airports. More about that later.

There are plenty of positives, too. Malaysia is a safe place, unlike London or Paris, where pick-pocketing is rampant.

Our watchful cops are everywhere, sometimes even hiding under the trees and underpasses.

For some reason, though, the traffic cops always seem to be stopping migrant workers. I think they may be checking if they are getting the minimum wages from their employers.

Also, we need to improve ourselves as ordinary Malaysians. We want to be seen in a positive light.

We don’t want to appear on TikTok, YouTube, or Instagram for the wrong reasons.

We all take pride in our Malaysian food. No matter which culture it comes from, it’s tasty and delicious – but cleanliness is also important.

We often sit next to a filthy longkang without a second thought but that’s unacceptable to many visitors. Singapore has beaten us flat in this area with its clean food courts.

Our local governments also have to put a stop to toilet rolls being used at many roadside warung. These stall holders need to understand that these are not serviettes. They are meant to serve a different purpose and it does not involve eating.

We can take pride in the fact that English is widely spoken in Malaysia. That’s definitely an asset.

Indonesian, Chinese and Indian tourists would also have no problem moving around as we can speak their languages too.

You won’t be fined for jaywalking, unlike in Singapore. But a word of warning to tourists, our delivery boys are colour blind at the traffic lights and they never seem to be penalised. Be careful at traffic lights as you risk being run down by these delivery boys who cannot see red.

Now, let’s talk about the “Malaysian Timing” or our tolerance for being late.

It is best that we forewarn visitors that when we say we are “around the corner” it actually means “I have just left the house”.

When we say “just 10 minutes away” – it’s actually more like a 30-minute delay.

Of course, as first timers to Malaysia, you will regularly hear “Bad traffic jam, Boss, sorry”.

You will love Malaysia because we are a nation of friendly, helpful and loving people. We love to forgive and pardon people.

Politics is also a passion in Malaysia. There is a lot of noise and drama. Don’t be alarmed, though. Unlike other countries, our protests are often short and peaceful.

Unlike the Thais, or South Koreans, we can’t be on the streets for more than two hours. We need to go and eat after that.

That’s why our best protest spots are at Kuala Lumpur’s Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman, preferably outside air conditioned malls, so we can shop later. Or at places with plenty of shade, like Padang Merbok also in KL.

Only the big Bersih protests were exceptions.

Finally, we are not just law abiding but we can debate over legal jargon for weeks.

The most used term now is “addendum” and most of us can give lengthy opinions. Never mind if we had never heard of this word until last week. Many of us seem convincing or maybe just confused.

It’s a word that has now encroached into our daily lives. My better half always has the last word whenever we get into a quarrel. But now, I can ask her to “read and understand” my addendum after the argument is over.

A friend says he has no idea what an addendum is but he has been placed under “house arrest” by his wife. His wife won’t let him go to meet his friends at the pub.

For visitors, you may be lost in this Malaysian quirkiness, but you will soon get used to it, and love it here.

WELCOME to 2025. It’s a brand new year and like many Malaysians, we readily look forward to a better year.

I am a fervid optimist but also a realistic person. I have also learnt to exercise more patience and tolerance as I get older.

As I prepare to turn 64 in the coming months, there is no longer any need to pull my hair out over minor irritations, especially when losing hair is already a major concern.

It’s good to be idealistic but many things will simply not change. Let’s face it.

It’s like our perennial reminder at the mamak shop for teh tarik to have less sugar. You can be sure it will still come sweet….

Also, it’s an exciting year ahead. We have two important items in our diary and the world will set its eyes on us.

Malaysia is now the chairman of Asean, and we will use the occasion to kick off Visit Malaysia Year 2026.

We are happy to welcome foreigners to our lovely country, even if some of us see red over the flying of a foreign flag.

China tourists need to understand local sensitivities but they are welcome to fly the red Arsenal or Liverpool flags, though! I’m not sure if China football fans still have any enthusiasm for Manchester United now.

Tourists also love our durians and other food, that’s for sure. But it may not be enough to drive arrival numbers up in a massive way.

One option may be to convince tourists to come over to enjoy our monsoon season on the East Coast. We may call one lawmaker who suggested that last year ignorant but floods would be something to think about.

Why not? We could make Thailand’s Songkhran water festival look like child’s play.

And for once, some puritanical political party lads won’t complain about visitors in drenched clothing, probably provocative to them in normal circumstances.

Surely they cannot impose a decree to say that tourists must always be in dry clothes at all times during the wet season?

Kedah, another tourist hinterland, has to wake up. Something must be happening in neighbouring Hatyai, Thailand.

Over the weekend, 500,000 people – mostly Malaysians – flocked to this southern Thai town. We can assume they are mainly northerners.

News reports said they were there for the “affordable, delicious and authentic halal Thai food”.

During Malaysia Day last year, millions reportedly spent RM100mil in five southern Thai provinces.

This is unacceptable, really. Patriotic Malaysians, especially from Kelantan, Kedah, Perlis, and Terengganu, should be spending RM100mil in their own beloved states.

It isn’t good when Hatyai is preferred over Langkawi Island, which has been getting bad press as a dull place.

But I am not buying these narratives which aim at making us look bad. How can halal food in southern Thailand be more halal than those in Kedah and Kelantan?

We would want to see Thais coming over to Kelantan, for example, for a change because it serves real, authentic, and affordable halal food.

We have it too: Penang is the best place for real, authentic, affordable food – halal (below) or non-halal. There is no need to travel to Thailand for a delicious meal, says the writer. — The Star

I have lost count of my many trips to Hatyai because I am from Penang, which is just a short trip across the border.

I took an “uncle” to watch a “tiger show” and after an hour, we were utterly disappointed.

Scam was not an oft-used word then but we didn’t see any tigers at all. I had a tough time pacifying the flabbergasted uncle, who was still complaining about being cheated, even after we returned to Penang.“Better we go to Zoo Negara the next time. Not going back again,” he said.

I also could not convince him that the chickens along the way into Hatyai were really good. I mean roast chickens, the type we eat!

Back to the monsoon season. Kelantan and Terengganu could be better options than Hatyai.

Tourists do not need to fork out a pile of money for beach chalets. They can just plunge into the flowing flood waters anywhere and anytime.

Let’s be fair. When Terengganu was under Barisan Nasional, the monsoon season was promoted too.

I am glad no Malaysians are going to Thailand for durians. It will be a poor reason, or more accurate, a poor excuse.

We should also promote Malaysia’s Dewan Rakyat as a tourism spot for comedy hour.

The year-end would be the best time as the meeting is the longest, beginning in October and continuing until December.

It could be our best tourism export and I am convinced Singaporeans will love it. Their Parliament pales in comparison.

Some of our politicians may not be known for their transparency and accountability but you can be sure they are competent in one thing – incompetency. And they will make a public display of it on the Dewan Rakyat Comedy Hour.

Singapore’s parliamentary debates are at sub-school standards level, seriously. There is just no drama or theatrics.

I saw on TV one nervous Opposition Member of Parlia-ment literally trembling away. Poor thing.

In Malaysia, we had an MP who made an outrageous claim that DAP leaders had blood links to Chin Peng and Lee Kuan Yew, and stays insistent that she is right.

To make things more comical, her party supporters sportingly raised over RM925,000 to pay her defamation losses to the plaintiffs.

That’s akin to PAS giving away this huge sum to the coffers of DAP, its greatest political nemesis.

The DAP, on compassionate grounds, could perhaps donate to Kelantan’s floods mitigation programme.

But then, politics in Malaysia is as unpredictable as the weather.

Almost all our parties have a history of shifting alliances, and the best part is you can rely on some theologians to justify to the faithful their politically opportunistic actions.

Obviously, Malaysia’s export assets aren’t just confined to boring products like palm oil and microchips, but also politics.

From Parliament to overly active social media, we have mastered the art of blending serious politics with side-splitting comedy.

There is something special, even mystical, about Malaysian politics. Bizarre may be a better word. Tourists will never get such hilarious scripts in sterile, clinical Singapore.

You can’t take Singaporeans seriously. The best they can do is reserve (it’s commonly called “chope” in Hokkien) a spot at a food court table with tissue papers. Yes, tissue papers.

Here, in Malaysia, we even get into a fight with the coffee shop owner and insist on occupying a table without ordering drinks. And get instant support on social media from netizens if the coffee shop owner gets mean.

Penang is the best place for real, authentic, affordable food – halal or non-halal. Tourists need not worry about tissues on empty tables at its restaurants.

If you see anyone leaving a packet of tissues on the table, just use it to wipe the greasy table.

Tourism, Arts and Culture Minister Datuk Seri Tiong King Sing needs to find new products for Visit Malaysia 2026.

He must think out of the box, to use an overused cliché. His opponents, meanwhile, are not thinking but they are waiting to box him in in Parliament. They are turning up the heat on him.

Here’s to 2025, with another year of Malaysian humour, wit, satire, and memes.

As I said at the start, many things will not change. Or, like the Thais love to say: “Same same.”

But we must learn to laugh at ourselves.

AHEAD of Jan 1, like millions of people around the world, I try to draft an annual list of New Year resolutions.

It’s really a futile annual ritual because the resolutions always remain unfulfilled, much like the empty pledges made by politicians.

Despite that, I have attempted to draw up a list, fuelled by some naive optimism and delusional belief in myself, mostly.

Top on the list is to radically give up all forms of carbohydrates.

By that, I mean no more nasi lemak, chicken rice, nasi kandar, clay pot chicken rice, mee tarik, mee goreng mamak, Hokkien mee, and all the sinful but delicious food that’s only available in heavenly Malaysia.

Even as I write this, I already know it is a doomed resolution. Me give up nasi kandar? Not likely.

Making New Year resolutions can be a really a futile annual ritual because the resolutions always remain unfulfilled, much like the empty pledges made by politicians, says the writer. — 123rf

But the doctor says I should. After my last blood test, he confirmed that I am no longer a borderline diabetic. I am in the danger zone now. I should have known better than to take the test during durian season. The doctor said I am now classified as a Type II diabetes case.

Of course, I disputed the results. I told him that as far as I know, I am just Type C, according to social media comments.

Until a few months back, I didn’t know Type C is how Malaysians of Chinese ethnicity are cynically referred to.

The doctor insisted that I may have confused Type II with Type B. There is no such thing as Type C in diabetes.

“Are you now saying that I am Type B? The Chinese who are bananas? Yellow on the outside and white on the inside and can’t speak Chinese?” I asked.

By then, my doctor was even more confused than I was. He looked like he needed psychiatric attention. I am lost too. I am not sure which is worse – Type C or Type B.

Since we were on the subject of diet, the doctor then told me I should stay away from wine.

I nearly had a bout of fits. This was blasphemy.

“Sir, you have crossed the red line. This is 3R!” I said, referring to the race, religion, and royalty issues that are forbidden topics in Malaysian public circles.

I had to remind the doctor that Jesus turned water into wine and this was recorded in the Bible.

The shaken man apologised profusely, including promising to remove his advice against drinking sugar-saturated wine from all his social media postings.

Yes, resolution No.1 is set to fail by 12.01am on Jan 1.

Now for resolution No.2. I need to exercise more. I should run around the neighbourhood more.

The doctor reminded me that walking around with my dogs and stopping to gossip with the aunties does not count.

“This is the 10th year that you have made this resolution and failed. I am worried about you. Start running and sweating,” he told me sternly.

I took a quick look at his waistline. He surely wasn’t practicing what he was preaching.

I now suspect that he is a retired politician. Probably a failed one who lost his deposit in an election.

You know, the type who, after losing power, says the community is in danger of losing its power. And they do it while surrounded by those who had toppled them from power in the first place.

Yes, it’s all the fault of the Type B and Type C, as usual.

Never mind, I think I’m confused again. That was not my doctor, but another one, who is much older.

I am already dizzy even before I start running. For sure, I have to re-look resolution No.2, too.

I will remain loyal and faithful to my couch. We have gone through thick and thin together.

Resolution No.3: I have to issue a warning to my senior citizen friends to stop sending me daily “good morning” messages as they are clogging up my handphone memory.

I can’t be spending my whole day deleting these messages. The wife has long accused me of “playing with your phone” the entire day instead of doing “productive work”.

And please, stop forwarding me fake political news as well.

It’s not true that retired soldiers are getting free durian land lots in Raub, Pahang. That’s insane. The land is too expensive to be given to old fart retirees, even if they are ex-servicemen!

The doctor also advised me that my blood pressure reading is good but “no need to be concerned with politics lah. No need to read all that news lah, there is nothing you can do about it.”

He’s right. Before the polls, politicians vow to be “prihatin” (concerned) and “membela nasib rakyat” (defend the plight of the people”) but afterwards, many of those promises disappear into thin air.

Poof! Just like that! You’d almost think Malaysian politicians have magical powers.

I promised the good doctor that I would read only the sports pages. But that was doomed just as quickly. Sports reporters have turned into political and crime reporters.

I guess they cannot compete with live TV broadcasts and have to look elsewhere.

The sports news is all about allegations in poison pen letters, financial discrepancies, and jostling for positions in sports bodies. Jeez!

My blood pressure shot up reading about these political wannabes in sports associations.

That’s it. I would rather stick to real scheming politicians. And there goes another resolution down the drain.

I really shouldn’t have bothered. It’s not even New Year’s Eve and my resolutions are set to become socially acceptable procrastination.

I will just stick to three resolutions which are set to fail, and continue life, as before, with my fellow Type M – for Malaysians and Moderates – and not let resolutions or toxic political and religious figures affect our national unity and sanity.

Happy New Year to all Malaysians, especially my faithful readers.